24.2

Banana leaf rice at Nirwana Maju, Bangsar!

One of the best things about coming back so far has been the opportunities to reconnect with all my old school friends and my cousins. I've actually been quite bad at keeping in touch with most of my friends but have been wanting to meet up with this particular group of friends for a long time now. Initially I was quite apprehensive about meeting up with all these people haha. Partly because I feel like I've changed so much over the years that I'm a completely different person from who I was in secondary school, and I didn't know if meeting up with all these people would complicate that and remind me of what a horrible person I used to be...

But I really thank God that He is the one who sustains all my friendships and I had a great time with my friends [although halfway through haha one of my friends confronted me about coming back to Malaysia for good and reminded me that I was very insistent on coming back to Malaysia when I first left and why is it that I now no longer have the same kind of passion? I said some things that revealed a lot about my heart - things I didn't even know existed within my heart. And it did hurt me to hear what they had to say in response, but I guess that's what friends are for - to sharpen you, remind you of what's important, to push you to move out of your comfort zone and do not just what feels good but what's right] and was so amazed that we could just begin our conversations as if we hadn't been apart for 5-6 years.

Sometimes for me, the biggest contributor to my inertia in not wanting to relocate or to move somewhere else, is my fear of having to rebuild everything. Find new friends, develop new friendships, learn new skills...I'm not a relational person and I don't enjoy the awkwardness of meeting new people or the discomfort of being around too many people. And I always feel like once I leave a place, my friendships won't ever be the same again, and that scares me...that kind of rootlessness and uncertainty. But I've learnt that if I avoid building deeper friendships because of the pain of loss, then I will never ever ever have satisfying relationships. The rest is up to God. And He IS a good God who protects and nurtures and loves.

I'm so grateful for the reminders of His grace in every friendship I have. I think it truly is a blessing to have a group of people to grow up with - people you've known since you were all little and had big dreams and now, getting to SEE them live out their dreams; people who still get you coz of all the things you've been through together; people who still believe in you and with whom you can always be yourself because they've seen you both at your best and your worst; people who remind you of how hard you've worked to get to where you're at, people who remind you of all the things you've always valued and loved, people who remind you that life can and always will be filled with fun and laughter.

And I am so grateful that I have friends like that not just in Malaysia, but in Singapore as well. And that makes me so incredibly rich. I hope never to forget that. That my life is not measured by the kind of job I have, how much money I will earn in the future, how many countries I would've travelled to, how many books I have - but by the enduring friendships with which I have to share them with.

Which is why this year, I'm gonna try to reconnect with more of my old friends [especially with friends from my undergrad years, would be such a waste if we all lost touch after spending 4 years together!], and hopefully strengthen my existing friendships and be less afraid of developing new ones.