"The issue of truth in relationships is never a matter of trying to figure out who is right and who is wrong. It is an issue of whether troth grows as both people seek the truth together. Truth is measured not only by how accurate the words are but also by how the words bind the hearts of those who seek the truth together. The more we seek truth together, arm in arm and heart to heart, the more we will gain a greater understanding of what is true. When we ask, seek and knock, the promise of God is that our deepest hunger will be satisfied.
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Honesty is not just saying what we feel or think; it is seeking to be laid bare before the eyes of truth to see as we are seen.
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Honest hunger after truth requires us to remain open to everyone, including those with whom we disagree and have conflict. It also requires that we remain open to the fact that we desperately need the very people who challenge and contradict our cherished notions of the truth. We may never agree, nor do we need to do so, but we need others - especially those who challenge us to dig deeper and become more human. The hunger, then, is not so much for agreement on factual accounts, but more for troth that leads to a greater delight in the truth.
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Honesty confesses as well that the call to remain open and loyal is beyond my human capacity, especially in the midst of hurt or conflict...So-called honesty can easily degenerate into name calling, blaming, and judgmental critique. Too many people have chosen to say terrible things to others under the banner of "telling the truth." This is not honesty but cruelty and thinly veiled vengeance. Honesty promises to remain tender and kind, full of hope and desire for the other person's growth. The more we remain honest with the other, the greater our desire will be to know and to be known, to know truth and to be pursued and seized by what is true, by the One who is true. Honesty frees us to care."
- Dan B. Allender, Leading with a Limp
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