"Hope stands up to its knees in the past and keeps its eye on the future. There has never been a time past when God wasn't with us as the strength beyond our strength, the wisdom beyond our wisdom, as whatever it is in our hearts - whether we believe in the God or not - that keeps us human enough at least to get by despite everything in our lives that tends to wither the heart and make us less than human. To remember the past is to see that we are here today by grace, that we have survived as a gift."
- Frederick Buechner, Secrets in the Dark
Many years ago, I could not understand why God made us to live in community. Today, I can see that my life would have been robbed of so much joy and love and hope if we were made to live in isolation.
And sometimes, I let the things of the world get me down. I let my heart become withered by things and words and situations and circumstances that have no right to enter into my heart - and my vision becomes obscured. I start to see this world wrongly, I start to judge people wrongly, I start to treat God and myself and others wrongly. I start to focus on little things that don't matter in the long run and miss the big picture, I start to let my courage slip out of me and falsely enthrone the fears that make me shrink from who and what God made me to be, I start to let darkness cloud over my heart and forget that Jesus has overcome. That I have overcome.
I thank God that even in moments like these, God's grace is sufficient for me. God never fails to use people to remind me that He loves me and is looking out for me, and that this hope that He has put in my heart, in our hearts, it never disappoints. If I'm disappointed by anything, I've displaced hope and let my ugly and unrealistic expectations take over. God never fails to bring encouragement to strengthen my heart, to prove that He knows what He is doing with my life. So I can just relax and let Him take over. He's been in this business for more than 2000 years, what makes me think I know better than He does about how I ought to live my life?
And I love that whenever God calls us to love...we get loved SO much more in return. When God calls us to love Him, we get filled with the kind of love that is irreplaceable, un-buyable, enduring. When God calls us to love people, none of this love goes to waste if we remain grafted in Him. And the fruit of what we do is always sweeter, more beautiful, fuller, juicier than we can imagine.
And I LOVE the people He has entrusted me to love, even if I don't always love them perfectly. I truly think that the main reason why God sent me to Singapore was so that I could learn how to love and let myself be loved.
I had the most wonderful time with Eve today, just hanging out, eating, doing crazy things [as per normal with Eve Soh! Haha I really think she is good for me, she forces me to do things I would never consider doing], sharing our hearts and hopes and dreams, sitting on a huge field under a starless sky praying for each other...and every time I hang out with her, it's like I'm sitting at one of God's finest banquets, feasting from the juiciest and richest of meats and drinking from His river of pleasures. Her simplicity and sincerity always refreshes my heart, and the words that come out of her mouth always astound me. She just has such a way of loving people that is so pure and whole and uniquely Eve that I really can't stop smiling when I'm in her presence. :)
Daddy always says that God gives us certain friends for certain seasons in life and sometimes I find that such a scary thought coz I want to hang on to the security of having all these people in my life all the time and not having to build new friendships or venture into new places. But I know it's unrealistic...and I know it's silly to let these things stop us from stepping into God's plans for us. And today as we were sitting on that patch of grass, both of us said that we think God will send us to other nations in the future. And it reminded me of the importance of just embracing the present, of living SO fully every moment of my life, of not closing my heart anymore, of doing all that I can to love and build memories with the people around me. And it also made me think of the beauty and thoughtfulness and generosity of God for letting our paths cross, even if it's for an indefinite period of time, of God's foresight in KNOWING that our friendships would be important to help us in our walk with Him. And I know in my heart of hearts that no matter where He sends us, God is a God of relationships, and so He will always always always find a way to sustain what we have, to even cause our friendship to grow deeper in spite of our geographical distance, to knit us together by His love.
And judging by what an amazing adventure the past few years have been, I know that the years to come will also be exciting and brilliant and just filled with the fullness and wonderfulness of God! What a gift it is to be able to live for God, knowing that He is the one doing all the living through you! :)
***
Some of the moments of the day:
Eve: Why are you smiling?
Me: Coz I think that God is just so sweet.
Eve: Yeah....He's really so sweet until my room was filled with ants!
Me: I wonder how God managed to create this world...it's just so BIG.
Eve: I bet God is laughing at you right now...coz He knew you would be thinking this thought.
Eve: I think it's in making mistakes that we're perfect.
:)
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